she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
