Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
