I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
