Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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