You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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