i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
