My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
