he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
