you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
