the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
