my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
