so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
