in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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