I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
