Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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