Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
