It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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