I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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