i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
