On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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