Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
