So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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