someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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