Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
