A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
