Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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