Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
