I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
