We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
