dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
