It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
