we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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