is your mom at the bar?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
