I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
