i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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