and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't deserve a penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
