Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
