Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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