I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My pussy is not your playground.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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