omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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