She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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