I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
