ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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