we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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