You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
