don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
