My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
