her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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