Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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