oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
