i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
