i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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