the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
