omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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