mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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