nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
